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*作者冒头：全英预警。看官们受累了。哐哐哐哐。 Mygreatestambitionistobeeatrueteachertodevotemyselftotrulyhelpstudentsbeeabetterpersonwithmyualentsofknowingothers.Mymotivationesfromtheworstpainthateseeducationsystemhasevergivenme,andthedeepestlovethathelpedmeputmyselftogether. IhavenoticedthetensioweentheeseeducationsystemandIfromayoungage.IrealizedIwasintogirlsat12.Feelingashamedofmysexuality,Ionlytoldmyfatheraboutthis.Hisuandingwasmyonlymotivationofstudyinghard.Afterhisdeathoflungcer,Ilostmymotivationandinthemeaicedthatteacherstookadvantageofhisdeathtemetofostudyratherthancareaboutmygrief.Thatwastotallywrong.Unfortunately,Ididnothaveachoice.Toshowmyselfthatmylifewasurol,Ibegantodategirlsandfoundtheirweaknesses,andthendeliberatelyhurttheirweakestpart.Seeingthemsufferiallyleasantandthustempting.Throughthisviciouscircle,theprideofmytalentofknowingrew.ButgraduallyIbecametanttoknowmyselfaalentwasgohthegrievaIdidnothingwrong,myveedandlosttrol.Ibecameamonster. …… Icolpsedforayear,untilIattendedacssofPoliticalPhilosophyandstartedtoknowSocratesmethod.Hopingtofindafualdefinitionofpassion,loveorevenjustice,Ikeptaskiionsandurgedmyselftofotheessence.Bydoingthis,myjudgmenthtandwrongwasrebuilt.Afterayear’srefleytalentwasregained. However,ittookmeanotheryeartolearnhowtotreatotherssincerely.Mygirlfriendguidedmetofindit.Beforeit,Idesperatelysearchedforuandingandlove,anditdrovemecrazywhenothersrefusedtooffer.SheofferedmeherloveanduandingwithoutreservationandIstartedtodoubtwhetherIdeservedit.Shetoldmethatlovewasnotanexgeofis.Loveisloftyandrequiresnothingiurn.HerlovewarmedmyheartandIstartedtotreatotherssincerely.Withtheuandingsheoffered,Istoppedmysearchofloveandsparednoeffortstocareforandloveothers.Finally,Ifeltqualifiedtoatoneformycrime.I’vehurtsomanypeoplewithmytalent,andnowsinceI’vegraspedtheessenceoflove,Ishouldnotonlylovemygirlfriendandmyfamilybutusemytalenttoloveothers,especiallytheyoungergeion,sinceIdonotwaosufferlikeme. ……